PLOT
civilazation destroys itself and the survivers are left to forage and survive on their own in a dystopian society with no electricity, government, society or community.
Everyone is this new world has forgotten everything,. They do not know their names,their history anything. The power of a name becomes very important
Pauline is a single mom of three. Her three children have been adversely affected by the “new world” and are still small and unable to care for themselves. Small as in impossibly small, she carries them around with her where ever she goes.
She is content in her solitary life. She hunts and gathers food for herself and her children, she steals clothes and books from where ever she finds them and devours knowledge on anything and teaches it to the kami (children) SHe is profoundly distrustful of anything and anyone and any situation. She avoids others at all costs and has sequestered herself in a small abandoned area. The town is void of all life except small mammals, some plants and her.
There is an abandoned factory in which she resides on the top floor. Inside the factory there is a library probably from the previous owner. She reads anything she can get her hands on and occasionally will make trips to find more books.
A man stumbles into her town and rather than shoot him, like she would normally do, she takes him in. WHY???????
He is handsome and whole and seems human, though badly scarred. Pauline names him raven after the story the raven, which she just read. They live together and begin forming a family unit. The kamie begin growing and become happier and somewhat self reliant. Thanks to ravens powers
The raven leaves. Pauline wakes up one day and he is just gone. Unable to understand what has happened she does what she never thought she’d do and takes off on ajourney throught the world to find him. In her quest she meets many people, of every kind. SOme help her and some make her unhappy, but she plows on looking fort he happiness that she believes raven holds.
In the course of the journel she rediscovers family and community and human interaction, both good and bad. She realizes that she is her own protagonist, that raven is not the bad guy, and the people who have hurt her are not either. She must overcome her own boundaries in order to be happy.
… not sure about this part
She is given gifts as she meets people along the way, some “too good to be true” and some tht are actually helpful. Pauline is unable to distinguisht he good from the bad and carries all of them with her. The climax occurs when She meets Raven and during their interaction he takes her backpack from her and empties it of everything other than what she needs. She then realizes that she had been creating her own burdens the entire time.
Prologue
We never knew who did it, or how, or if they are still alive anymore. We just knew that the world was going insane so we ran away. It was suppose to be a time of hope, but as government, civilization, and communities began to implode, the few people left untouched knew it was a lie. The world changed and everyone forgot everything from before. Names, places, time… We lived apart from each other and soon, many of us were not even recognizable as human anymore. No one was interested in what happened before the world went dark, no one but him… him and me.
* Name Pauline, but she is unnamed int he beginning
* Date and place of birth, Unknown, but she is living in the not to distant future in a dystopian society. A ruin of a mill town with many large abandoned buildings, overgrowth of weeds and wild things.
* Occupation She is a trnasient who steals and hunts in order to eat. She takes care of three souls and uses her time stealing books to teach the Kami and herself
* Physical Description: (eye color, hair color, distinguishing features—scars, tattoos, what makes him/her stand out?) SHe has gray eyes, dark stringy hair, eyes too big for her head and she is always tired and it shows on her face. She had a little girl quality about her that makes her seem helpless but she is more than capable of taking care of herself. She wears whatever clothing she can find in the abandoned buidlings around her.
* Marital status: (married, divorced, single, kids?) THe Kami are her children, but due to the environment they are underdevloped and small. She does not remember anything about her past int he beginning, but more comes back to her as hte story goes on.
* Family background: Are parents still living? What is the character’s relationship with mother, father, siblings? She has no family that she knows about other than the Kami. She finds family throughout the story including members of her actually family that have deserted her and people that will become her family.
* Goals: What does your character want most out of life?Pauline was content in her solitary life with the kami until Raven came around. His appearance and then disappearance from her life leads her on the journey in which she is looking for him, but finds her “tribe”
* Emotional status: What major problems is your character facing and what is his or her reaction to those problems? Pauline is faced with the prospect of having more than she can ever remember having and looses it as quickly. She is unable to return to the solitary life she had before and goes searching for what she believes is her happiness. She feels responsible for everything that happens around her and is very untrusting. It is what lead to her loosing her happiness in the first place.
* Extra detail-fill in as needed—What would your character eat for breakfast? What is his or her favorite song? What books are on his bookshelf? Pauline goes out early every morning in order to find food for her and the kami. They may eat dead rat or they may luck out and have canned peas. Sometimes she can find berries. Pauline hums everywhere she goes, making her own music. She doesn’t know what she’s humming, only that it is something in her head from before… before what? I don’t know. She read and learned everything she can. She doesn’t remember it all but she teaches herself everything she can and the kami as well.
- maybe have her come across a book of poetry, love sonnets or a love story that changes her life.
*pauline is bother the antagonist and protagonist, she is her own worst enemy
*pauline names Raven, after reading poes the raven
Raven
Name: He is not named
Occupation: Solitude, traveler
Emotional: Wracked with guilt from the death of his brother (who he killed) and doesn’t allow himself to feel happy
Image: Longish hair, tan skin, one blue eye, one brown, covered in scars. carries a broken watch, guitar, dagger
Survives by growing his own fruits and vegetables due to his “green thumb” does NOT eat meat or goes into a blood rampage.
He reads and learn as much as possible
The script/screen play
Once upon a broken heart a girl witha dark mind did not have a name and it never occurred to her to care.
SHe had 3 kami that she loved dearly and protected from the darkness
One day while collecting feathers a Raven flew into their lives
Raven said, " I am God, love me and I will protect you, Lay with me and I'll never leave you, Give me everything you have and I will make you happy."
And she was very happy
*time passes*
Then… He was gone
SHe had to find him, she had to know why. SO she left with the kami to find him.
She found him sitting atop a huge wall. He flew at her ripping and tearing. She protected the kami from his wrath but she did not run. She hurt and bled but she would not leave.
THe Raven flew away leaving the girl a bloody mess.
The rain came and washed the blood away.
She sat up wondering if she could die, bash in her head or jump off a cliff when a peacockhen came out of the woods.
"You can not love the raven you bad girl, it's wring, it's evil, you are a horrible person! You don't deserve those beautiful lights, give them to us."
She tried not to listen, to ignore the ever present eyes and annoying voice but she still heard. THe kami heard too and their glow began to fade. She had to be strong for her kami. She closed her eyes and listened to herself. She knew she was a good person. She couldn't help who she loved. She imagined the peacockhen getting smaller and quieter. When she opened her eyes, it was as big as a bug…
… So she stepped on it.
But shard words have a way of carving themselves into your mind and she couldn't forget the things they said. She wandered deeper into the woods, looking for raven and hearing the peacockhens words.
Tired and worn out, brokenhearted and mind scarred she fell against a tree and collapsed to the ground. She cried and cried and wondered again about death.
The long draft Still unfinished
It started with a pair of wings…
She gave him wings
She called him a god
He became the Raven
The Dark Mind
Once upon a broken heart in a dark dangerous world, a girl with a dark mind did not have a name, and it never occurred to her to care.
In her dark little world she had three Kami that she cherished and protected from the darkness. One day a Great Raven came to her and told her if she would love him and only him and call him God, he would take care of her and her Kami and protect them. The Raven caused butterflies in her stomach to flutter and whisper things to her, and they told her to agree. The girl laid down with the Raven and they made plans for a future together, he taught her about bleeding and how to make others bleed to protect herself and the Kami. He taught her about passion and how to be happy again and her life was not so dark.
Then he was gone and the butterflies were upset.
She took her three Kami and set off to find him. The butterflies told her that if she found him, she would be happy again.
The Raven had flown to an even darker part of the world that she knew but did not remember. She found him sitting atop a massive wall blocking the trees, the clouds and the sky from view, the site of him made the butterflies flutter. When he saw her he flew away again. She continued to follow and finally asked him why he was running away. The only answer he gave her was he didn’t love her anymore, the butterflies got very upset and told Pauline to not believe him. He stared at her with his black eyes and waited for her to leave, but she would not. He made her bleed and hurt but still she would not leave. The butterflies said keep trying, wait, stay with him no matter what. He flew away leaving her in the dark woods with her Kami.
She sat and cried for what felt like hours, the butterflies cried, the Kami cried. She thought things would be better if she died. Her god had forsaken her and he was all she believed in. She thought to bash her head in or jump of a cliff. Turning, she came face to face with a peahen, her proud peacock strutting behind her.
They looked disdainfully at her and her appearance and looked toward where the raven had been. “Look at you, stupid girl, you’re a mess, you can not love the raven, you are not allowed to love him, it is a terrible thing you have done loving him. You allowed him to make you dirty and useless.” The girl ignored the Peahen and began walking back toward her home. She whispered to the Kami to not be afraid and to not listen to the peahen. “That Raven will hurt your Kami, he is awful too, you are both terrible horrible people.” The peahen was following her, glancing back, she saw that the peacock was close behind, but the girl still did not say anything. She just walked with her head hung, hugging her Kami to her tightly. When she walked through the door of her house the peahen and peacock followed her still berating her. She put the Kami in their soft spot so that she could cook dinner. She lit the stove and the flames jumped up warming the house. “You can’t cook, you don’t know how to take care of these Kami,You don’t deserve to live, you are worthless an do not deserve those Kami, give them to me!!” The peahen and peacock made to take the Kami and the girl Grabbed both birds by their necks. Shaking them violently, feathers began to fly around the room. The girl opened the stove and through the birds into the oven. Gathering the feathers, she put them into a vase and sat them outside the door.
That night the girl and the Kami sat around the table eating baked peahen and the girl told the kami the story of the peahen and the peacock.
The story of the peahen and her cock
Long ago, there was a king and queen. They rules over a very small country, but the country loved their rulers very much. However, the king and queen did not love each other. Behind closed doors the two would argue and scream at each and occasionally the queen would try to kill the king. Their arguments were always over their subjects. The queen would watch them every day and tell the king about it.
“The baker and the milkmaid are are together to much, I think we should tell the bakers wife. The cloth merchant has been talking to little girls, I think he’s going to hurt them, I think we should do something.” The queen have every good intention, she only wanted to help her subjects, but the king too did his own watching.
“The milkmaid is talking to the baker, flaunting her milk jugs and creating distraction. You can not blame a man for looking at something in front of him. The Cloth merchant is our best business man and he only talks to the street urchins.” The arguments would start this way every night. The Queen saying the men in town were responsible and the king making excuses for them. It soon became a contest between the two of them to see who could see more of their subjects indescretions and every night they would scream their point of view to one another as they fault through the night.
Their subjects did not know this and thought that the couple were happy. At night the screams would be muffled by the walls but the people outside the castle could hear it. They though that the castle must have an awful enchantment upon it to create such horrendous noises at night, so fearing for the safety of their beloved queen and king, they called a magician to rid the castle of the enchantment.
When the magician arrived in town he saw the king and queen at their wondows in the castle staring down at the people with lenses. Upon entering the castle he saw that every window had a lens at it and paper. On the paper was written all the indescretions of the townsfolk. ‘Butcher stole bread from Baker while he was kissing milkmaid, Sheriff was with Cleric behind church, Strret urchin stole fruit from vendors cart.’ Every little thing that had happened in the town was written doan on these peices of paper that were everywhere. Going up to the balconey the magician introduced himself. “I intend to stay to release your castle from the enchantment it is under. I will watch the two of you closely to see who the enchanted one is, or if it is something else.” The King and queen tried to convince him that there wasn’t an enchantment upon them, that they were fine and happy as always, but their pleading would not convince him, and as they were afraid of his magic, they did not argue with him any longer.
The queen ran about the castle giding the papers, thinking the magician had not seen them yet. She did not want anyone to know that she was watching them, she didn’t want to be watched by this magician either. The more she thought about smeone watching her the more outraged she got.
The king ran about the catle gathering up the lenses thinking that the magician had not seen them yet. He did not want the magician to know he had been watching the townfolk, he did not want the magician watching him, the more he thought about it the more it outraged him. He went to his wife and for the first time since they both said “I do” they agreed on something. They had to get rid of the magician.
That night they sat down to discuss how to make the magician go away.
“I think we should scare him, he already thinks there is an enchantment, he will run away and tell the townspeople he can’t help us.”
“No we should kill him, we can use his body to fed the poor and give the bones to our dogs.”
“What?! I don’t want to kill anyone! What if we take him into the woods and get him lost?”
“He is not a child, he could find his way back.”
“Don’t talk to me like I am dimwitted!” And the fight began. Soon they were screaming and yelling over what to do about the magician, who had been listening to the entire argument from the door.
He cursed them, hoping they would learn something. The more they screamed and argued the higher and scratchier their voices got until soon they were screeching instead of screaming. For every person that they watched and spied on they had another eye added to them. They were so consumed with everyone elses business, (and not very self-aware,) and soon the kingdom heard no more quarreling from the castle, just the noises of birds. The magician went to the queen and king and looked down on them in their new bodies.
“I had hoped that you would learn to stop quarelling and spying, but it is obvious to me that you can not. So, you will stay in your new forms, forever watching. The magician took up the papers and gave them to the townspeople explaining that the king and queen had been spying on them all this time. The Townspeople chased the Peahen and Peacock and as they chased them they pulled at the feathers which were the eyes with which they had spied on them. Each person put a feather outside their door so they could see if someone was watching them. But they were sure to not use the eyes to watch other people.
The girl put the Kami to bed and laid down next to them. As she slept she dreamed. Raven came to her and told her he wanted her still, he looked into her eyes as he always had and told her to come find him. The girl woke up and believed her dream nd the buterflies told her to believe. She took her Kami and began walking. She walked for days and slept very little looking for Raven. Sometimes she thought she saw him, but it would be just another bird who looked similar. Every little hope would cause the butterflies to flutter about, and the girl found it hard to eat when the butterflies did that, so she was soon weak. One afternoon she sat and rested with the Kami, they had changed, they were no less beautiful, but they were now different, heavier and brighter. She kissed each one and laid her back against a tree closing her eyes to get some rest.
She hadn’t been resting long when she heard a beautiful deep sound, soothing, like music. She smiled, forgetting for the moment that she was not back home with
raven. When she opened her eyes, she was looking at a very large, ugly toad.
“Do you like my music little lady” She wasn’t sure but she thought that this toad would be ugly even to other toads, but he was making the beautiful music. She thought she could forget about the toads countenance if only to listen to the music. When she smiled the toad tried to smile. “What are you doing in these dark woods?” She noticed that he eyed the Kami while he talked to her, but they were quite beautiful, so she thought he might be dazzled. She remembered the peahen’s reaction to her and the Raven and decided to not mention him.
“I’m traveling and hungry, do you know of any food.” She smiled her best fake smile.
“This is a dangerous wood to travel in, you might be hurt…” “I can take care of myself.” The Toad gave her a knowing look.
“Well I have food at my house if you would like some, everything you could ever want.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose…”
“Nonsense, I insist, just a meal between new friends… I like to help people, it’s what I do. This one time…” The toad droned on and on for a long time about all the great things he had done and people he had helped. She didn’t really listen to the stories but his voice lulled her into a trance. Soon they were at his house.
Upon entering the toads home the girl was overtaken with the scent of filth and decay. She held her nose and her tongue for fear of insulting the toad who was being so kind to her. He lead her to the pantry which was filled floor to ceiling with every food imaginable. She stepped in to begin feasting but the toad stopped her.
“First you must do something for me,” he croaked, sounding like the most melodious music, entrancing the girl. She followed him into a small room which was the most filthy of all and smelled of death. He coaxed her into his bed and had his way with her. The girl stood to run away but the toads voice lured her back to him. This went on for many days and the girl began wasting away. Overtaken by hunger she was too weak to fight back. Every day she would try to look at the toad, hoping to feel something for him, but felt nothing. Her eyes always rested on a silver pendent that hung from his neck, She studied it every day and every night while she felt the hunger pains cramp her stomach.
Finally the toad, fearing he would loose his prize, allowed her to eat. He carried her on his back into the pantry, for she was too weak to walk, all the time admonishing her for things she didn’t do, but making her believe that she needed him. She heard all the words and they crept into her soul making her weep for the horrible person she had become. He left her alone to eat and she weakly picked at the food slowly becoming stronger and stronger. Soon she was eating great hunks of cheese and handfuls of bread and her senses came back to her. She was not the horrible person he said, she had taken care of her Kami before he came along just fine, she did not need him. Tearing off two small pieces of bread she put them into her ears. She stood testing her legs which she had not used in days. She walked up and down the pantry eating foods from the top shelves and regaining her strength. Upon hearing the rustling from the pantry the toad returned speaking in his musical way to seduce her back into complacency. The voice filtered through the bread sounded harsh and biting, the girl could no longer her the entrancing music. When he stepped into the pantry he had the kami upon his back. The sight enraged the girl, how dare he treat them as if they were his! Grabbing a cheese knife from the shelf the girl ran at the toad and cut his throat spilling his black blood on the ground. She took her kami from his back cradling them in her arms and went back in the pantry. She fed the Kami and stuffed her pockets with foods for later. She stepped over the body of the toad and began to leave but remembering the pendent, turned and leaned down to take it. Holding the pendent in her hands she could see the word Strength on the back on the tiny mandolin shape. She put it in her pocket with the food and stepped out the door.
Shielding her eyes from the bright sun she looked up to see the Raven watching her, the butterflies fluttered in their happy way, excited to see him. When he knew she was watching he flew away again. She tried to stand but her legs would only carry her a little way and she stumbled over to the wall beating on it as the Raven flew over.
“Ow!” came a noise from the wall… she looked up but didn’t see anyone. Wiping her eyes she listened carefully and could hear someone breathing.
“Hello? Who’s there?” She sat and waited and noticed a movement. Turning her head quickly she saw. Far above her head but still not near the top of the wall, a pair of eyes were blinking. She walked up to the wall and poked it.
“He he… stop that.” A gigantic head looked down at her and sighed. She got the distinct impression that he didn’t want to talk to her. Stepping out of the wall the thing moved toward her. It was a large man-shaped section of wall. “What are you doing out here all alone?”
“I’m looking for Raven, he flew over the wall. I can’t find a way over it or through it…” Frustrated she kicked the wall again.
“Oh no, see here, no need for that. I will help you get over it… later. Right now lets talk, I haven’t talked to anyone in a long time, and when we are done talking I will protect you while you sleep.” She looked at the wall and thought about how the toad had used her and Raven had left her. She knew she didn’t want to be hurt again, but she also wanted someone to talk to.
“Tell me a story little girl, I like your voice.” She thought then looked up at Stonewall.
“I will tell you the story of the toad.”
The story of the Toad
Some people will try to tell you that the Toad was once a prince, but it’s not true. He’s always been a toad. Although he was once human. When he was young he was considered a great talent in music. He traveled far and wide seeking his fortune through song. One day he came to a town in which was told to have the greatest menstral ever. Toad wanted to see this person because he believed he was the best. He believed it so much that he head had gotten big. His belly had gotten big because he believed that the only thing that mattered was his music and he could eat whatever he wanted and not worry about it, cause his music would save him. He even thought that his music would bring him love, that he could play so well, that women would not care what he looked like or acted like. When he walked into the room the menstrel knew instantly why he was there and went to talk to him.
“Boy, I can see that you head is big from your music, but music is not everything. You need to have other things in life. Music will not give you what you everthing you need. It is part of your soul, not you.” But Toad brushed his hand off, his pride too strong.
“I am here for one reason, to prove that I am better that you.”
“Boy, no one is any better than anyone else, it all depends on what you do with your life. Do you ever do good deeds?”
“I do good deeds all the time, and I tell everyone about them.”
“Then they are not good deeds.” Toad did not understand, he just stoo and waited for the man to play. “Too much pride will turn you green boy.” And the man stepped up on stage and began to play. The music danced and twirled around th room causeing every person to sway and turn to it. The man closed his eyes and played a song that spoke of pain and heartbreak and trauma. The more Toad listened the greener he got. When the man finished playing he stepped down to Toad and looked down on him.
“I’m afriad you will be stuck like that boy till you loose that pride.” and he walked away from the toad shaking his head. Toad hopped out of the bar and found a Witch Doctor, hoping he could cure him.
“You put this curse on yourself, you are the only person who can break it.”
“Can you help in any way?”
“I can make you a Ju Ju. As long as you wear it, you will have the most beautiful voice ever. It will draw people to you, but is you never learn to loose your pride, you will always been a toad.”
“I’ll take it.” the Toad though as long as he could lure someone to him with his music they would stay, he didn’t have to change anything else. He didn’t care how he looked, cause his music was that good.
It wasn’t long before the toad ran away to hide in the swamp.
“I don’t understand why did he run away to the swamp? If his voice was the best ever heard why didn’t he succeed?”
“Success takes a certain amount of humility, of which he had none. He stayed a toad till he died, convinced that he was the best musician that ever lived.”
They talked all night and when the morning came she fell asleep beside Stonewall and felt safe. When she woke up she looked up to find the stone face looking down at her. They continued this way for several days, talking and sleeping and enjoying each others company. Stonewall never again offered to help her over the big wall and she didn’t want to ask, for fear of seeming rude. One day he handed her a small smooth stone, it was shaped like a heart and though it was made of stone it was very warm.
“What’s this for?”
“I wanted to give you something special. This will help you not get hurt as easily.” He grinned at her and she rested her head on his arm. She was content for the moment. The problem was keeping the Kami hidden from him.
She did not show the Kami to Stonewall, fear residing in her now from her recent experiences with the peahen and the toad. Stonewall asked her one day about what she was hiding, but she refused to tell him. Stonewall became more stoney and sullen after that. The next morning when she awoke, Stonewall was gone. He was not hiding in the wall, there wasn’t any footprints or tracks, he had just disappeared. She sat for a very long time waiting for Stonewall to return, wondering why it seemed like people she liked disappeared. She considered looking for Stonewall but she was already looking for Raven. At the thought of him the butterflies fluttered awake, whispering his name spurring her into action. She stood hurriedly, checked the Kami, kissing each one and began walking.
“While we walk Kami, I will tell you the story of Stonewall.”
The Story of Stonewall
He was considered one of the greatest princes of all time. He had the stature or mind and body to make him a king, but he had one problem. He could not be with a woman. Because of this he would never have an heir to the throne and the kingdom would be lost. The king knew this and sent the prince out to find a princess that he could be with. He traveled to the faurthest reaches of the globe to find her. On a tiny remote country in the middle of the ocean he was convinced that he had found her. He sent word to the king and made arrangements to marry the princess, but before the night before they were to wed, the princess saw the prince in the water. He was bathing outside the castle in the moonlight and she could see that part of him was made of stone. The stone scared the princess and she ran away. When the prince came home without bride the king decided to find another heir for the throne, and the prince was fine with that. He left the kingdom and went into the woods. He slowly became more and more stone like. Soon he was completely covered in stone and he would find himself sitting alone for weeks or evern months at a time. He belives that every person who has ever betrayed him in anyway has made him stone. Really it is his fear that has made him stone. He keeps everyone at a distance and refuses to feel anything. That is why he is made of stone. He was born with a stone heart, and that is why the king knew he would never be with a woman.
She was on the far side of the swamp now, not far from her was a pile of mud. It was well over her head, close to the size of Stonewall, but not nearly as wide. She tilted her head from side to side slowly, trying to discern the exact nature of the thing, when a glint of something shiny caught her eye. She began to back away at the realization that the mud was holding a large knife. As she walked backward the mud began to take more form and she realized she was looking at a large man, his face covered by long mud hair. He was not as big as Stonewall, but was still several feet taller than her. He did not seem to move fast and her senses took over. She began to run. She was quickly out of sight of him.
Slowing down to rest her legs she looked at the Kami and saw that they were quite dirty. Off in the distance she could see the delicate diamond sparkle of sunlight upon water. When she reached it she cleaned the Kami and made sure they were as beautiful as ever and sat them aside so that she could clean herself. Looking into the water she felt the darkness in her mind slip away and it was replaced with a brilliance that glittered like the water. Just beneath the surface under her own reflection she saw the faces of beautiful women. Their hair a gleaming green over large green eyes, they moved like the water and beckoned her to come in. She wanted the brilliance, and the brightness, she did not want to return to the darkness again and they could give her the light, even better than Raven had. The butterflies protested, trying to remind her what they were doing, but the voices were stronger, they could make her happy, and as her eyes sparkled with promises of light and love she did not see her Kami.
“Desist yee evil Kelpies! Unhand the Lady and her precious cargo!” The voice broke the spell the girl was under. She realized she was waist deep in the water and her Kami were being taken out of the hands of a dead kelpie by a man who seemed to be growing out of the back of his horse. “Mi’ Lady, I am at your service.” He bent as low as he could, considering, and sat up to look at her with a bright smile. She couldn’t help but smile back. “I am Leth O. Logica, defender of truth with my sword of logic I roam the dark world helping those who find themselves… um… where they… don’t know where… they are…”
“Lost?”
“Yes, lost, helping those who find themselves lost.”
“But if they find themselves, are they lost?” The conversation continued in that vain for awhile until they both found themselves laughing out loud.
“You’re Kami are getting quite large, is it difficult to carry them?”
“Yes, but I don’t know any other way.”
“Here, this is mine, but I do not need it.” He handed her a bag with a long strap. “It’s a heart bag and will keep them close.”
Smiling at Leth, she let him lead her away from the water. Behind her she could hear the sounds of the Kelpies calling to her to come back. As they walked, they talked about different things, she told him her story and he tried to help, he even knew Stonewall but only offered her knowledge she had of him already. She became aware of a a feeling like home. This was someone who was not trying to use her or take the kami away. She smiled to herself. They stepped out into a clearing and to their left the wall loomed large and menacing.
“Leth, is there anyway around or over the wall?” He smiled kindly at her and shook his head.
“The only way to get through that wall is to tear it down. Destroy it.” She thought about it, but didn’t think she could do it by herself.
“I can’t tear it down, I’m not strong enough, I’m not big enough…”
“Oh, I didn’t say you had to do it by yourself, but you are the only person who can bring it down, and don’t let anyone tell you differently, don’t let anyone distract you from what you need to do, you will know your true friends when the time is right, do not listen to the judges and the nay-sayers and don’t let them tell you who you are.”
“Who am I?” she looked down at herself, not knowing.
“You’re Pauline silly.” He smiled at her in an exasperated but friendly way. “Now I have to go, but I will be around. If you need me just… you know… say my name…”
“Call?”
“Yeah, just call.”
He turned on his horse and scooted away. She watched him go until she couldn’t see him anymore. A sound caught her attention and she looked up to see Raven flying overhead toward the wall, the butterflies awoke violently screaming run, run catch him, we need him! She ran trying to catch up to him but tripped and began to fall.
The earth did not come up to meet her as it should have. Instead she was engulfed by blackness and continued to fall instead of stopping. Below her she could see a light.
Falling through an opening into a large room she landed on a comfortable bed. She didn’t see anyone when she looked around the room but she could feel someone looking at her. She closed her eyes and tried to hear where their breathing was coming from and slowly she titled her head toward the ceiling.
When she opened her eyes she was face to face with a large bat.
“I’m Brianna, who are you?” The bat girl said.
“Pauline… are you going to eat me?” Brianna giggled.
“No, I only eat fruit, and you are not a fruit.” She let go with her feet and fell into a jumble on the bed.
“Are you all right?” Pauline jumped up startled from the sudden movement and scared for Brianna.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine, that’s why the bed is there, I fall a lot… and run into things. But it’s ok, I don’t mind.” She jumped up and began walking around the well furnished cave. “You want anything to eat or drink? Can I get you anything or help…” Pauline heard a loud bump and Brianna had run into a wall while trying to carry an armful of food and treats. She couldn’t help but giggle at the bat.
“Thanks, I’d like something to drink. I’ve been walking a long time, but I can get it myself.” Pauline jumped up when she saw Brianna heading for the glasses.
“I don’t have a lot of visitors down here and usually if I do it’s people I don’t want to see… the peahen is always sticking her nose in around here. It’s so aggravating.” Pauline didn’t even know if the peahen was still alive anymore, but she decided to not mention that.
Pauline and Brianna talked for hours and Pauline was able to get rest for the first time in a very long time. The next day Pauline didn’t want to leave. She had shown Brianna her Kami and Brianna didn’t want to take them, but wanted to help Pauline take care of them. They walked out together and at the mouth of the cave Brianna told Pauline goodbye and reminded her that all she had to do if she needed her was call.
Pauline stepped out into the world with the knowledge that she had two friends on her side. Her light was back and the dark was receding. She finally had people who were there for her. It seemed like she had been trying to find this sense of family forever. The sunlight shone on the tall grass and the wind blew it gently, the butterflies in her stomach were calm and quiet. It was peaceful in this part of the world. Pauline took the Kami out of her heart bag and smiled at them. They were still changing, different but still the same. She kissed them and tucked them back into the bag and began walking. For a few moments she forgot everything.
Then she heard a twig break and turned to look. Lumbering out of the edge of the forest was the mud creature carrying a large knife and headed toward her. She could tell he was somewhat human, but she could not see a face, just a mud covered figure. She turned and began walking away. She once again became aware of the oppressive presence of the wall to her left. Turning to look back she saw that he was closer though he was not running. His long stride made him catch up to her without really even trying. She picked up her pace and grasped the Kami to her heart, soon she was running full tilt leaving the mud man behind her.
Turning swiftly, she hid behind a large tree. He didn’t look for her but kept moving at the same speed arms swinging slightly making the light glint off the knife in his large hands.
Taking a breath she slid down the tree to the ground. All around her were fruits that had fallen. She looked up into the branches and saw plenty more fresh ones. She stood up and began climbing. She stretched out on the branch and reached for the fruit. She didn’t think she could reach it and the branch seemed to move of it’s on accord and suddenly it was within reach. She took a bite and and chewed. It was sweet at first but became more bitter. Then she heard something, it was faint, so she listened harder. A faint buzz had begun in her ears, it became louder and louder. Pauline was able to make out words and then whole sentences.
“You are nothing, You can’t do anything right, You don’t fit, You’re all wrong.” The voices were not very loud, almost like they were inside her, but the butterflies only spoke about Raven and these voices were different. “Why don’t you try to be more like everyone else, why don’t you stop running and do what everyone else does and just stand, why don’t you forget about what your looking for and settle for what you have?” These voices were soft and persuasive, but still seemed wrong to her ears. “You’re a slob! You’re a horrible, horrible person! Why can’t you just do what your suppose to do?!” The voices ere changing, angry, passive, upset… and they were all screaming at Pauline. She couldn’t move from the branch, she suddenly had fear where before she didn’t. The ground seemed so far away and she couldn’t do anything right, what ever made her think she could do this? Her own voice was joining the cacophony in her head. She had to get down, she had to reach the ground. She scooted along the branch and hugged the tree so hard she scraped her skin making herself bleed as she slowly slid down the trunk. When she reached the bottom she curled up at the foot of the tree as the voices continued their assault and made it impossible to do anything.
Pauline tried to stand up and begin walking, the voices in her head continually talking, making life more and more difficult and Pauline thought ‘the voices would stop if I were dead,’ but the voices made it difficult to really think about what she needed to do in order to accomplish it. She was exhausted and it hurt to move. She was so tired she didn’t even look at her Kami and kiss them and hold them close. Her hands hung down beside her limp, like noodles and her legs felt like they would give out soon. Inside her head a buzz of voices were telling her who to be, and how to be, and what to do. She just continued to walk slowly across the field.
As she walked the grass began to disappear replaced by rocks and boulders and hard ground. The sun was no longer delightful but harsh. She was hot and thirsty and couldn’t remember anything, it seemed like she was suppose to be doing something, that she wasn’t suppose to be here, that she should be somewhere else… She stopped at the edge of a cliff when she looked over the edge she couldn’t see anything. It made her feel scared but exhilarated at the same time… the feeling of exhilaration awoke something in her that was then quickly squashed by the buzzing noise that made her forget everything. She felt so confused and tired she just wanted to sit down. Behind her was a large stone so she sat.
Laying her head on her knees she thought, ‘Why do I have to feel this way, do other people feel like this? This is too hard, I want quiet, I just want to feel like myself again.’ She began to sob unable to stop. As her tears fell, so did snow and soon the world was blanketed in white. Wiping her eyes she looked up into the face of an ermine.
Smiling down at him, she felt her emotions spike and furl. She began yelling, telling the ermine everything. She felt destructive and angry and wanted to break something. She began kicking at the boulder, hitting it with her fists and beside her, the ermine did the same. She alternated between yelling at the rock and laughing at the ermine. She kicked it one good time and sent it rolling toward the cliff.
That was when she noticed the rope. Attached through the rock was a long rope strong and thick and it led directly to her ankles. The next second she was thrown onto her back and dragged over the cliff wall giving her matching scrapes on the front and back. She grabbed hold of the edge just in time to stop herself going over but the weight of the boulder pulled her down slowly.
“Get help, get help please.” She didn’t know if the ermine understood her or not, but he ran off as if he did. She hung there slowly sliding over the edge and thought about the stone, and about Leth and Brianna… and the tree. She allowed herself to be influenced by the tree, she ate the fruit and listened to the voices and did exactly what logic told her not to do. She wished she was back with Brianna in her nice cozy cave. She thought about the Kami and what would happen to them should she fall from the cliff and she realized that she didn’t want to leave her Kami, even if the darkness surrounded her completely, she did not want to leave them.
By the time she heard someone coming she was completely over the side of the cliff unable to see anything. The ermine stuck his head over the edge first with a reassuring chirp and above him, FAR above him the mud covered face of her pursuer came into view. Fear struck at her heart and she flinched and lost her grip. In a flash the mud man had her wrist in his large hand and was hauling her straight up. Pauline clung with her free hand to the Kami, convinced she was going to fall, she would save them… Somehow. In his other hand he still held his knife and as she rose to eye level with him, she saw beneath the mud soaked hair a kind and generous smile under a pair of bright blue eyes. The knife slashed out and cut the rope, freeing the boulder to fall, and Pauline to think and move freely once again.
He gently sat her down on her feet and thrust the knife toward her but did not cut her. He then flipped the knife in his hand offering her the handle. Gingerly she took the hilt and felt the warmth from his hand. Looking down she saw that the knife fit perfectly into her hand as if it had been made for her. Printed across the blade was the word independent.
She stood on her tiptoes, just reaching his shoulders and pulled him toward her slightly. She brushed the hair aside from his face and found a handsome man underneath. Turning her head to the side to study him more she asked, “What is your name?”
“My name is Mudd.” His voice was clear and clean and sounded… alive.
“Why did you give me this knife?”
“It’s your knife. It belongs to you. I’ve been trying to give it to you since I saw you with the peahen.”
“Oh… I thought you were trying to hurt me.” She blushed and smiled sheepishly, putting the knife in her back pocket.
“Nope, don’t want to hurt you.” He turned to leave again.
Putting her hand on his back she asked, “Will you stay?”
“Yes.” and he and the ermine, didn’t move again till Pauline set out on her way.
With a clear head and light feet Pauline went back to the tree. The tree looked so harmless from a distance but when she got closer she could smell the putrid air from the fruit and see the vapors, negative, soul crushing vapors, emitting from them.
Lifting her head she yelled for the Leth, and in a flash he was there.
“Yes Milady? How may I serve you today?”
“How can you destroy a tree, a knife will not do it and if I cut it down it still exists…” “Fire Milady.” He handed her a silver box smooth and shiny, the sun hit upon the surface and blinded her for a second with the gleam from the metal. When she held it just right in the light she could see the word Knowledge printed in the metal. She ran her thumb across the letters but could not feel them in anyway. Walking to the nearest fruit, she reached down and pick up the first one on her right. She flicked the box open and spun the wheel and a small blue flame popped up. She touched the flame to the fruit which instantly caught fire. She hurled it at the tree hitting it in the center o the trunk. At first nothing happened and the flaming fruit just rolled down. Pauline stood slightly disappointed until the fruit bumped into another creating a chain reaction that engulfed the tree. The small group stood and watched as the tree burned, noxious thick black smoke rose into the sky and little whispers of voices could be heard trying to infest someone with their negative thoughts before they burned completely. Pauline pocketed the lighter keeping it close to her for when she needed it again.
When nothing was left but ashes, and both Mudd and the ferret had relieved themselves on the smoldering mess, they began to walk toward the wall. “I don’t think I can do this.” Knight, Mudd and ferret had no idea what to say to her to help. A noise from overhead startled the four of them, and crashing down on the head of Mudd was a very clumsy Brianna.
“Thanks for the landing pad big guy.” Brianna jumped down to the ground and walked over to Pauline. They hugged briefly and when Brianna stepped back she handed Pauline a necklace, upon inspection Pauline found the word temerity, inscribed on the silver beads. She put it around her neck and felt the power of confidence sink into her. With her friends behind her and her new gifts she stood to face the wall. She closed her eyes and imagined everything that had happened to her even before the Raven, when she was someone else, and there was someone else, and she realized that she allowed these people to hurt her by allowing them to manipulate her. Maybe her new friends would try to manipulate her too, and maybe it would work, but she felt stronger knowing that she had conquered many enemies. Opening her eyes she went to the wall and saw that it was nothing but the words of others and the way they made her feel. Reaching her hand out she flicked the wall and it collapsed as if made of cloth and disappeared.
On the other side was the cliff.
“I don’t understand.” Pauline turned to look at her friends.
“You still have to take the first step, you’ve broke down the wall, but you still have to take a leap of faith in your own abilities. It’s the hardest part.” Knight patted her on the back and rode away.
“I know you can do it, I have faith in you.” Brianna flew up into the sky until she was just a dot, unseen but still there.
“We’ll be waiting for you, you’ll be fine.” Mudd and the ermine walked off into the woods, and Pauline was left standing at the edge of the cliff alone with her Kami.
Then a noise caused her to turn, and Raven stood behind her. The butterflies fluttered back to life, but Pauline squashed them, not listening to what they said. She turned her back on Raven, hearing a noise of disbelief, which only emboldened Pauline.
She clutched her Kami to her heart, stuck her foot out and stepped.